Working in the Gardens

[jaydjasmyn]

His face saddened and so Jayd's did as well. Her heart began to sink in her chest. She recalled him telling her that he would be gone a lot but she didn't really think that it would be so soon in their marriage and perhaps while she was pregnant.

As he was talking and telling her that it was a rule that one had to be thirteen to be aboard a naval ship she began to sob lightly, but hard enough that a few tears fell down her cheeks. She wanted to tell him so badly that she just couldn't be without him but instead she allowed him to speak.

His information got a little easier to take. "A packet ship? But what if I can't get one to where you are going while you are onshore? What if...." There was so much to think about that it overwhelmed Jayd in her condition and the fact that the sun was beating down on her. "Ladorak... I have to sit down in the shade. I'm not feeling to well." Her knees were shaking and her paws were weak as she tried to step closer to the bush that was near to them. She didn't want to stop the conversation. This needed to be resolved.

Even in the slight shade that the femme found she was feeling and probably looking over heated. Her face was flushed and her heart was beating fast. It was the combination of everything really. The news Lad was telling her, the heat, her pregnancy and her working so hard.

[Ladorak]

He could see that she was visibly distressed. Taking her strongly, he began to lead her to the house. "No...I think you'd better go inside.....there isn't much shade out here and it's rather hot. We'll just head in and sit you down." He led her over to the back door, opening it up and taking her into the parlor, and sitting her down on one of his leather armchairs.

He felt.....lost....as if his ship had been dismasted and was drifting upon the sea. Why had he gotten into any of this? Why was he even here now? "Hold on....I'll be right back." He went into the kitchen, seeing Caden standing upon a stool and eating pie. He had a piece on a plate which he was working on.

"Don't eat it all Caden." Ladorak said, pouring a cup of strawberry cordial out for Jayd.

"I only had one piece Ladorak." the marten informed his guardian.

"Good...Jayd's not feeling well, so just stay in the kitchen. I'll be in in a few minutes." he brought the cup out to where Jayd was sitting in the study. "Here.....I got you some strawberry cordial." It was safer than water in all honesty in this day and age, as water could be contaminated, but mixed drinks could not. "Now then....why don't you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, kneeling down beside the chair she was in.

"Jayd...why are you worried? Our nation isn't even at war. In fact....Prime Minister Falshed has predicted about 15 years of peace. The only reason I'm upset....is because I'm not serving my nation....because I can't get a job aboard a ship. I keep trying...and keep getting rejected....but so long as there's no war, there will be no jobs. Jayd....remember the night I proposed to you at Whistleminster Palace? How I had asked that I didn't want you marrying me if you couldn't accept my profession and my lifestyle? You had said you were fine with it.....you just wanted to be my wife so I....don't understand." he looked at her with a rather sad but cute look, almost like a sad canine.

"What's worrying you? I can't ALWAYS be home because of my job....in fact more often than not I'm away....it's just you met me when I've been on shore leave for years. It's not normally like this. I was supposed to sail off, you were supposed to have the house to yourself....but then I fell in love with you.....and asked you to marry me. Something I probably shouldn't have done because well....the life of a Captain oftentimes puts his wife in a difficult situation. I've always lived alone Jayd.....and when the sea called I would answer. I can't just renounce the oath I gave to the King. Even if we don't get along...I still serve him and this nation. But I can see that this way of life will be hard on you.....and so I have to ask you to forgive me for ever trying to get closer to you. I wanted to make sure you were OK with my way of life...and I guess I believed you when you said you were.....but it's clear you're not." He looked out the window of the door into the garden now.

"I'll TRY and take you with me." He said this after an incredibly long pause. "But my lifestyle doesn't have an easy solution. There are so many things important to me that I can't just appease them all. I'll try...but I just don't know. At any rate....I don't think I'll be leaving any time soon from the looks of things. I've been on shore for four years.....longer than I ever have been. I can't say when I will ship out again....but it doesn't look imminent. So relax....take a few deep breaths...and look at me. I'm not going anywhere for the moment." He smiled up at her, his chest feeling so strange. "Look...why don't you relate to me what's wrong. I think I know but say it anyway. Take into account all that I've said too....and I'll ask you again...do you accept me and my way of life?" he asked, looking directly into her eyes now, taking on an inquisitive expression on his face.

It was so hard. The love of his life and yet his lifestyle conflicted. He wanted them to work in harmony, and perhaps they could, but right now, he just wanted his wife's feelings on this issue.

[jaydjasmyn]

Oh she knew that Ladorak was trying to make her feel better, sort of, and he really wanted to know what she was so worried about but for some reason she was getting more and more upset by the minute. Her brow was sweating and her paws shaking when she took the drink from him.

It seemed like she was holding her breath and after he was all finished she let it all out, pulling her trembling paw up to her mouth and weeping, her other paw tipping the glass and almost spilling it. Jayd curled her legs up and into herself, well to the side because of her ever growing belly being in the way.

The crying seemed to go on for about five minutes until she was able to talk, of course not without sobbing in between. "Ladorak I knew what I was getting into and I accepted it and I still do but it doesn't mean that I am still not bothered by it." She sobbed some more and then ranted on again. "And I wish that you wouldn't say things like you probably shouldn't have asked me to marry you and you asking me to forgive you for getting close to me. It makes me feel like you regret..... us!" Her shoulders shook from her held in sobs.

Soon after she turned to the side and sat her drink on the table next to her seat and curled up, holding her belly as she felt like her heart was breaking. In the back of her mind she worried that Caden would hear them and think that they were arguing. Well at least what Jayd said she emphasized a bit and raised her voice but still she didn't want that kind of environment for their kits, even for Caden.

[Ladorak]

"Jayd...Jayd!" Ladorak said, moving over to wrap her up in his arms as she started to convulse and break down in sobs. "Jayd...shhhh." he said, holding on to her and rocking her a bit as he ran one of his paws through her headfur. "Come on....stop crying....come on." he said. He looked over to see Caden standing in the parlor entrance, his pink eyes wide. "It's alright Caden....she's just upset. It's nothing to worry about. Go upstairs to your room and get ready for your lesson alright? I'll be up shortly." Ladorak said fighting to hold his own tears back.

"Now come on Jayd." he said, sniffling a bit but not crying as Caden turned to head up into his room. "Do you think I regret any of this after all we've been through? Come on Jayd.....I regret none of it. My only concern...my only fear is that YOU regret it. You regret marrying me because you resent my lifestyle and my job....or the fact that I can't always be with you. I regret nothing about my marriage to you...at all. I am extremely happy we did it. You know why?" he asked, kissing her on her forehead and holding her close up against him.

"Because in the times I do have to be apart from you, you're the reason I'd want to come back. Caden will be with me...so he can't act as that reason. You'll be away....I'll try to keep you away as little as possible but when it DOES have to happen.....you'll be my reason to come back. I have to admit......I never...." he sniffled again, this time drawing his snout in a bit and clearing his nose. "I never....really felt certain if I WANTED to come back home from combat. I had nothing to live for.....I sought the Navy because I was hoping....hoping that maybe.....in some small way...." saying this was extremely difficult for him. Never....never in his existence had he had to admit this to another beast. It was coming out now....and it was......difficult. "That maybe I'd die. I'd die...and my death would atone for all of my mistakes. If I sought combat.....well sure I was out to serve my nation and defend my shores but still....a small part of me wanted to die too. I couldn't take my own life....and so I'd let others do it for me."

Caden meanwhile, was up in his room, looking under his bed. Where had he put it....oh yeah! There it was! He pulled out a wooden box that Ladorak had given him after he helped him buy this thing. Inside was a present....a present for the new kit that would be coming into their family.....but now with Jayd upset, Caden figured on giving the present to her. If nothing else she could hold on to it until the kit did arrive. Wiping the dust off, he opened the lid, peeking inside.....

Back downstairs, Ladorak continued with what he'd been saying. "But do you think....that after marrying you I'd still want to die at sea....with a beautiful wife and some kits at home? Do you think I'd still have these thoughts?" he asked, kissing her forehead again.

[jaydjasmyn]

Her sobs softened a bit at at time after Ladorak moved in and comforted her with his arms and with his words. She didn't know that Caden was there until Ladorak had said something. Jayd sniffed strongly since she was shocked, sorry that Caden had to see or that he thought that something was wrong between her and Ladorak.

She nodded and snuffled when he said what he did. "I don't regret it either but I was just afraid that you did." Jayd snuggled into her husband now. "It's just hard to know that we will be away from each other. That's how much I love you... you know?" She half chuckled and have sobbed.

Jayd looked up at Lad. She could see that he was upset now as well. For this she felt bad but at least she knew that he loved her that much. It was sort of like having sympathy pains when your wife was giving birth. "I didn't know that you wanted to die." Her face was wet but she still cuddled into him and kissed his neck fondly. "But I can promise you that you will always have a loving wife to come home to... as long as I'm alive." She kissed the corner of his mouth. "I promise." Her kisses moved further over his lips.

She wasn't sobbing anymore but from time to time she gasped for a soft breath, wiping her face so that Lad wouldn't have to feel the wetness of her tears. "And we'll have lots of children for you to come home too." Jayd looked up at him and tried her best to smile. "But please let me go with you. Let me follow you on a ship to your base. I can be strong but not if I have to be without your for several years. I just can't do that Ladorak." Her paw passed over his cheek as she continued. "I want to learn more about plants and open a shop. Maybe I can have a shop at each base to keep me busy. I'm sure that I can make a home for us in several places. Can we try that Ladorak? Please?" She gently grabbed a fold of his shirt in her paw and pulled at him so that he would look at her. Jayd pleaded him with her eyes.

[Ladorak]

He looked down at her, his heart breaking into a thousand pieces now....or if not breaking, at least ripping itself apart. "Flowers you say?" he sniffed a bit too, but wasn't crying. "Yes.....I'm glad....glad I'll have something to come home to. As for years well...I won't....shouldn't be gone that long." He said, shaking his head. "You married a sailor....and well a sailor who honors his commitments. I won't leave you for too long if I can.....months but I'll try not to make it a year."

He accepted her kisses and her paws. What else could he do? He was hopelessly in love now.....and he had commitments to keep. "Opening up shops.....well as far as homes go....I can't say where I'll be stationed..and even when I'll be leaving. But the shops sound good...way to make an extra income I suppose until I can send those paychecks straight back home. I'll have to speak to Admiral Hood....or whoever I'll be assigned to but I'm praying it's Hood, about you when I do get an assignment about living on base somewhere. I don't know what they'll say...if it's Hood I'm sure he'll be fine but anybeast else....I don't know..." he trailed off though as he saw Caden standing in the doorway again, the wooden box that Ladorak had given him in his paws.

"Why are you upset Jayd?" he asked, fixing his pink eyes on her. Ladorak was a bit disturbed as well for whatever reason. He looked between the two of them. "It's not....time to give this is it?" he asked, holding the box out. Ladorak smiled, shaking his head.

"No Caden....it's not. That's a....box I gave to him..." but he trailed off again, as Caden came into the room.

"Well why is everybeast upset though? Did I do something wrong?" he asked, his big ears flattened against his head just in case.

"No....Jayd was just....um...." but Ladorak wasn't sure how to explain things really. Would Jayd just make something up, or would she explain why she was upset? Either way Ladorak kept his mouth closed for now, reaching down to take the kit's paw in his own and squeeze it reassuringly.

[jaydjasmyn]

Jayd still sniffled and then placed her head on Ladorak's chest. She to was hopelessly in love. The stoat-tess fell more and more each day and she didn't mind a bit, especially now that she knew that her husband didn't regret falling in love with her or marrying her. Deeply she breathed and closed her eyes for a moment.

As soon as she opened then she looked back up. "Yes flowers and plants. I love them. They are my passion and I'd like to do something with it if I could." It was a bonding moment for them. They passed a stressful time with flying colors.

Soon Jayd realized that they were not alone. Lad looked and then Caden spoke. "Why are you upset Jayd?" Jayd was just about to at least try and answer him but he said something else. "It's not....time to give this is it?" Jayd looked down and saw the box in his smaller paws and then looked at him quizzically. Now what he said next just pulled at her heart string. "Well why is every beast upset though? Did I do something wrong?' Jayd sat up and put a paw on Caden's shoulder while she wiped her face dryer. "No no Caden it isn't you... not at all. You see since I am pregnant I've been very emotional and I'm just sad that I might have to be apart from Ladorak and you. It just makes me so sad to think about that." Jayd smiled at Caden, hoping that she explained it good enough to him. She would have liked to pull him up and into their laps but she wasn't sure how he would respond to that.

[Ladorak]

Caden wasn't yet comfortable enough to be held...only if he were in the mood would he come to them for a pick me up or a hug, but that was rare. He was still adjusting to his life here. It was hard on him.....and well it was just an addition to the new Fugate family that was slowly molding itself into a better entity.

Caden had left his hat in the dining room, and was holding the box and looking up at Jayd and Ladorak. "Not seeing us? Being apart? Oh! You mean on the warship!" he said, understanding now. "Well....you know Jayd....Ladorak was saying how he'd send you letters all the time, to let you know how he was doing when he was gone. I could write you letters too you know?" the marten kit said, setting the box down so that he could climb up onto Jayd's lap.

Ladorak helped him up, and sat him down on the arm of the chair so that he could sit in between them. Ladorak wasn't going to say this out loud but......they were family now. Caden might not agree to that....but he would someday. They were the Fugates now.....Ladorak, Jayd and Caden. Ladorak leaned in close to Jayd, still giving Caden enough room to move. "That box on the ground...it's for the kit when it comes. I helped Caden pick it out the other day." Ladorak explained, close to his wife's ear. "Even when I'm away....I'll write frequently. How could I not do that?"

"But we can't even leave!" Caden spoke up. "There isn't any ships for Ladorak."

"Yes....not at the moment. Hopefully that'll be remedied....cause we're gonna have another mouth to feed soon." He said, still in that calm, low voice of his. He kissed his mate on her neck, burrowing his snout in and exploring her fur. "I want to support our new family....take you with me I guess too.....and write during the times I can't. Don't worry love....I'm right here....." and when he said here he pushed his paw directly over her heart, pushing in until he could feel it beating. "Right here....now and forever." his voice was so warm, so different from how he normally spoke. Caden didn't really understand all the mushy stuff, but he didn't have to. Ladorak rubbed his paw over her heart, not removing it as he let that message sink in.

[jaydjasmyn]

Jayd softly laughed when Caden was trying to explain that Lad and him would write often but of course to Jayd having them here in the flesh was much better. Naturally though the small male didn't understand the depth of things quite yet. The fem allowed him to speak and she just nodded.

After Caden climbed up between them Jayd wrapped her arm around him and comforted him like a mother. "I would love for you to write to me Caden. You would do that for me so that I wouldn't feel so lonely?" Jayd smiled from ear to ear. Indeed she felt that they were actually a real family. The moment that Caden 'wanted' to be near them changed everything.

Lad explained about the box. "Ohhh... Well maybe I'll let Caden give it to me when he's ready? And you better write often. You know how badly I'll miss you and I'll be thinking of you every second of my day... and night." She winked at Lad and then Caden chimed in about there not being any ships. This was a good thing in Jayd's eyes. she wanted to keep them home for as long as possible.

Lad kissed Jayd on the neck and she pressed into it. Then he explained how he wanted to make a living for his family, which was a good thing, but then he placed his paw on her chest and told her that he would always be in her heart and kept it there until Jayd responded. And she did. Her eyes filled up with tears of happiness as she leaned in to kiss her mate and to engulf Caden with a family hug.

After the mushy stuff was over Jayd looked at the young one and then at Lad. "I'll have to give you a picture of me so that you won't forget me. How does that sound? And maybe a picture of all of us together with the baby... if you are still hear when he's born." Jayd leaned in to kiss Caden's cheek quickly, not wanting to push the closeness issue with him.

[Ladorak]

((Sorry, computers here are different, and the quote key is weird. Can`t figure it out. Also keep in mind cameras don`t exist )

`Of course I`ll write!`Caden exclaimed. We wouldn`t want you to get lonely while we`re away!` the pine marten explained. Caden actually meant this too, because he had felt sorry for Jayd when he had seen her crying. The albino marten kit had at first thought it was his fault...that he had done something. Fortunately though, ity seemed it was a case of Jayd missing them when they left and well....as much as might not want to admit to it, Caden would get lonely if Jayd and Ladorak went away for a long time.

Caden had been seriously thinking about what Luxe had told him, and gradually.....bit by bit....he was beginning to view Jayd and Ladorak as parents, indeed, even beginning to take pride in them.

`Picture?" ((OK! Found out how the quote button works! lol!)) Ladorak asked. "You had a portrait painted of you before you me met?" he asked, raising his brows. "That`s expensive isn`t it? Though.....I woulndn`t mind having it if you`d be willing to give it. I could hang it in my cabin on board the ship." he mused. "Also we might have to wait to get a family portrait done....but we should be able to manage it once I go back to work." he said, winking at her and leaning in to kiss her again.

"Well anyways...I`m on shore leave, I`m right here now. You awoke before me. Was there somtehing in particular you were hoping to do for today? I plan on teaching Caden the ropes about life at sea, but hey, he`s got lots to do if you want to do something first. Oh and please....remember what I said Jayd. No matter how far...no matter what happens.....I`ll always be right there." he brushed her heart again, bringing his paw away to stand over the two of them. "So! What should we do today?" he asked, rubbing his paws together emphatically.

Caden didn`t speak up. He KNEW what he was doing with Ladorak later, so he didn`t mind if Jayd wanted to do something first. Sure....he was a bit uncomfortable acting "close" to them, but he was getting used to. He`d come around eventually. He secretly wondered how Jayd saw him....and for that matter how Ladorak fully viewed him, but that could come later.

"I`m yours for the day guys." Ladorak said, looking especially at Jayd. He wanted to indulge his wife if he could, and enjoy the moments he had on land just as much as he knew he was going to joy the times he`d yet spend at sea.