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Post by Ladorak on Jun 7, 2011 23:18:59 GMT -5
"Me?" Ladorak asked, chuckling a little. "Why heavens, no. I haven't fought in a battle quite THIS big... at least... not a naval one. I've only read about them. More ship to ship combat was my thing. Single ships engaging single ships. Never been in a fleet action before, if you can believe that." he said with a modest chuckle. "Squadrons yes... but nothing above say five against five. This is twenty-five against twenty-six, from the looks of it." once again, a chuckle.
"I know, you're probably SHOCKED." he said, eyes gleaming. "Such an experienced Captain yet with so little battle experience... at least in fleet actions. From what I know of Admiral Howe's battle plan, I'd do the exact same thing. Cut through their line and engage them to leeward. That way, they can't run nearly as easy. We'll come to grips with our proper opponent in the line, and batter him into submission." he explained.
"Though... I only hope the Orion can pull off a maneuver like that. Our mizzenmast took some damage on the 29th, so we'll see if Captain Duckworth feels confident enough to give it a try or not. He wore out of the line on the 29th... he DIDN'T tack, like he should have. Such disobedience of orders... but then again, when your LEAD ship disobeys the orders" he stated, referring to the 80 gun Caesar, which had done completely the opposite of what Admiral Howe had ordered, throwing the entire line into confusion. The stoat gave a few "tsks" as he continued. "...you tend to have to make a split second decision. I guess I don't entirely blame Duckworth. If the flagship is telling you to tack in succession... meaning for those of you who aren't officers" he said, winking at them. "that the LEAD ship needs to tack, followed by the second, then third, then fourth, until the entire line follows in tacking, but suddenly WEARS instead of tacking, like Captain Molloy did in the Caesar, you're left with a big question mark in your minds. What do you do? Obey the Admiral, even though the whole plan is now in the latrine, or do you follow after the lead ship, because they're technically supposed to be leading?" he asked, looking between the two of them.
"Duckworth chose the latter... I would have chosen the former I think, and followed Admiral Hood in the Royal Poynt. He was correct in my opinion, and Molloy was wrong." he took a good swig of his coffee now, and gave a little laugh. "Hahah, sorry, didn't mean to digress and get off topic. I just suppose I'm trying to show you what I'd do in situations, were I in command. It didn't help that Molloy gave no explanation for his actions. Anyways, enough chatting about that... back to where we were... where were we?" he asked, laughing again.
"Ah, right! As I was saying, I wouldn't worry TOO much. Howe's plan is a sound one. It's never been done before, at least not on purpose. But this is precisely why new theories need to be tested. Cutting through the enemy's line is just the kind of maneuver that I would like to try sometime! And now it seems we may get our chance. As for advance warning... yes we DID have advance warning, but it's a wonder we ran into the Rosferians at all. It's such a wide ocean out there, you know?" he asked, motioning out the gun port.
"They could've been ANYWHERE, but Howe is a good old bloodhound... for being a fisher of course, and he got right on their trail by picking up various ships they had captured and were sending back to Rosferia. We knew we were getting close the more prizes we picked up, as it showed we were entering the Rosferian Admiral's hunting grounds, so to speak." Ladorak said, a bit of his old stoat nature coming out now. He was definitely looking forward to this battle if nothing else, and the two of them could clearly see it.
"Really boggles your mind though... doesn't it?" he asked, looking once more out the open port. "Nearly 17,000 sailors apiece in each of these fleets. They truly are like small floating communities, when you think of it that way. Heheh, sorry, here's me rambling again. You just don't know how good it feels to be able to talk like this. I have to be all stiff and formal when I'm a Captain, but it just feels so GOOD to be able to relax and be a member of the regular crew. The two sides of Ladorak, I'm sure the two of you are thinking." he looked right at them, a twinkle in his eyes as he beamed.
He decided that now was a good time to go back to eating, both because he needed food before the battle (as no telling how long it would last, and one couldn't very well eat during it), and also because he wanted to give them an opportunity to speak now.
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Post by Carrow on Jun 8, 2011 8:40:49 GMT -5
Selvis wasn't exactly 'shocked', as Ladorak put it, but he was slightly surprised, and it showed in the way the weasel's eyebrows rose once the stoat had made his admissiion. The rust-coated creature was getting comfortable talking now, and neither Selvis nor his mouse companion made any move to interrupt. Carrow was in fact listening quite intently to him. He didn't venture any comment, though, still feeling that when things like this were brought up, he was left floundering. Both companions took everything in, and then when Ladorak had finished, Selvis piped up, his oatmeal almost gone now as he had been steadily working away on it while listening to the stoat speak. He was in a very talkative mood this morning, it seemed, and that suited the longtail down to the ground, as he loved to hear what his fellow mustelid had to say. There was obviously something different about Ladorak now. He had been talking rather a lot, and indeed, Selvis's suspicions were confirmed by the 'seajack' himself.
"Rambling? Oh, hardly, sir," he responded with a smile, taking a swig from his coffee and stretching a bit. It was a very relaxed atmosphere the trio found themselves in now, in direct contrast to what they would be getting themselves into soon. Selvis, of course, was usually an easy-going sort of weasel, but he wondered what sort of effect this was having on his more anxious mouse companion. "It's great that we're getting the chance to talk to you like this, because you'll be our Captain again when we get back. Have to make the most of things after all! Good grief, had no idea there were so many in these fleets. Struggling to wrap my tail around that one, in fact."
Carrow spoke up, after polishing off his bread. The cheese and crackers would come next, but they could wait for a moment. he had something he wanted to ask Ladorak. "Er, Jal Fugate? Do you mean that? Is it that much of a release for you, to be amongst the regular crew? You certainly seem a bit more relaxed than normal... though I don't doubt there's some anticipation of today's action in there as well," he added, winking at the stoat."Tell us a little about how you find this, please: I'd quite like to know.
"You said you hadn't done anything like it in at least fifteen years. What was it like last time? How does it compare to what you're doing now?," he asked eagerly. He loved being around Ladorak, not least because the stoat reminded him a bit of Caden, and he was perfectly content to converse with him over breakfast. Even if he was unable to fully relate, the field mouse enjoyed hearing the mustelid share his knowledge with them.
Selvis got there first, though. Before Ladorak could respond, he figured he'd use the opportunity to ask Carrow something. He spoke softly to the mouse, finding he didn't need to raise his voice too much, sure Ladorak could hear as well. He didn't want to anyway, because he needed to sound him out first. "Carrow, how are you holding up? I'm not overly concerned, mate, but I know you're still a little apprehensive about things. Everything alright?"
The mouse nodded - hesitantly, . "I... I think so. Not sure. On one paw I'm looking forward to working in combat again and finally experiencing all this for myself. On the other, though, as tough as it is for me to admit, I'm still frightened. Sometimes I almost have to pinch myself and rub my eyes to make sure I'm not dreaming. How'd I get here? This is, figuratively and literally, thousands of miles away from anything I've ever done before. I know it is for you as well, and Caden too, but... I wish I wasn't this anxious... and it might get worse before too long, I don't know, Selvis. Sorry," he apologised, sighing a little and taking a small bite from his cracker, trying to keep his insides from starting to twist themselves into fearful knots. He turned to Ladorak, wondering what he had to say on this. Selvis ruffled the mouse's ears in an affectionate manner, giving him a warm smile and hoping to calm him down.
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Post by Ladorak on Jun 10, 2011 12:36:41 GMT -5
Ladorak was going to respond, but Selvis turned to Carrow to ask him a few things instead. The stoat patiently listened, though inwardly thought that Selvis might need to get a rein on his emotions, as he had spoken out of turn. If it turned out he wasn't letting his nerves get the better of him, then it was concern for his friend, but either way, the stoat figured he had been wound a bit too tight, hence his speaking up like he had.
He could, of course, forgive this. Youths were particularly good at being energetic, and while he wasn't the same way when he was Selvis's age (being cowed into never speaking out of turn, of course, or conversely, being placed in such a state where speaking out of turn was impossible), he knew the kind of energy that youths had. They were on the verge of a major battle, and it could be forgiven.
He focused instead on his coffee, and finishing up his meal. He wanted to get to cleaning up their plates (as he was mess cook today) and getting to his action station, as he was certain battle would be upon them in not even two hours. They would be able to close the distance between the fleets fairly quickly by bearing up before the wind and getting onto a good run to the northward.
The oatmeal went down well, and he was pretty much finished eating by the time Selvis and Carrow were done talking amongst each other. He had head most of it, but figured there was no point in getting involved in this talk. Carrow would either learn that fear was something you had to suppress in combat fairly early on, or he would learn the hard way that combat wasn't pretty, and that unless he conquered his fears early, he would be prey to them the rest of his life. Combat wasn't something that sat well with everybeast, but Ladorak had adapted quickly, both because of how he had grown up, and because that, in spite of his crushing self-doubt when he'd finally been freed, he found that unless he fought, and suppressed his own inner doubts (as that quickly grew old, and constant depression was no way to live with yourself), he was incapable of operating. He gradually came to possess things that were dear to him and that he wanted to protect, and unless he fought, he wasn't going to protect those things. It was that simple to him.
He and Carrow were more alike than they probably realized, at least when Ladorak was first starting out. He had been mentally abused most of his life growing up, constantly told that he was a nothing, and would exist only to serve his former master. He had been conditioned to start believing those words, and thus, when he was suddenly wrenched from the island and left on his own, he had quickly had to find his own way, or be crushed by the world. Having a very rough start, the stoat had been in almost constant depression for a few years growing up. Having viewed himself as incapable of making it on his own, he had failed countless times before starting to make it big.
Working his way up, the mustelid finally managed to claw his way forward, and out, gaining confidence in himself and finding out he had a love for both the sea, and combat. It fueled him, and though he had a few other vices, he generally tried to be as good and as just as he possibly could. The world had, of course, betrayed him, as it often was prone to doing, but he pressed on, and never looked back. He was at the point where he was so skilled that it didn't matter that the world had fallen out from under him. He was struck square on the jaw, but he had simply struck back, and fiercely at that. He no longer went down. It had been hard on him, naturally, but he had not let it get the better of him.
He was no longer a slave to his circumstances, and instead wanted to craft his own fate. He would see just what this current battle would bring. He also debated about whether to tell Carrow his tale, though the mouse already knew some of it. The problem was, he hadn't been asked for his opinion, and Carrow struck him as the type to not change based on the words of others, but through his life's experiences, whether he learned the lesson the hard way (by refusing to change) or learned it the easy way (if he chose to accept help). Ladorak knew full well that wallowing in self-pity created a cycle. You rejected the help of others because you wanted to secretly gain their sympathy. You fed off of it, and though you wouldn't show it, you reveled in the attention. He knew this, because he was this way himself a good many years ago. He would refuse to act happy, even when things had improved, just because he fed off sympathy, though he himself didn't realize it at the time.
The dangerous thing about this route of course, is that if you pushed your friends' patience too far, you might not have them by your side when you woke up one morning. Too many time had it happened to that stoat that he finally had just dropped the whole attention seeking act, and pushed forward. Whether this was Carrow's case or not was not his immediate concern.
He blinked, as he realized both of them had stopped talking, and he had been lost in thought this whole time. "Er... sorry." he said, shaking his head. "Was just reminiscing about my early years. What were you asking me?" he inquired of the mouse, looking right at him. Believing yourself to be the failure you see yourself as only makes it that much more true he didn't say, though the thought did run through his head.
"Ah yes!" he said, clicking his claws as he remembered now. "It's about how this compares to what I did. Well we were rather medieval in my old navy. Used catapults and arquebuses and such. So barbaric and not technologically advanced. As said, it was mostly one on one ship engagements, or land combat. I led many an expedition on land, as I used to be the head of something called the Stoatorian Guard. Was leading one expedition in the jungles of the west, where I contracted my malaria... and failed to meet the objective of our mission, but... it wasn't a very wise undertaking to start off with. I was younger and more foolish back then." he said, cracking a smile. "I've seen my share of combat, whether it be rebellions, fighting off pirates or depraved individuals, it didn't really matter. I've had it all... though I'm very excited to be participating in a fleet action like this. Even if my own quest for personal glory won't be fed." he said, chuckling a little now.
"This is more a chance for me to experience it, and watch over you younger ones at the same time. I wanted to see how you'll all do. I'm not concerned much. Admiral Howe is the best we have, even if he is close to retirement. I have every confidence that this battle will bring us many laurels when we smite our foes with our proverbial sword of right." he said, chuckling once again. "Are you just about ready? Don't let me rush you two, of course." he said, putting up his paw to steady them. "Just take your time, and I'll bring your plates up for washing whenever you're done." he explained.
"As for this being a release for me... yes, I'd say it is. I love being able to unwind with my crew, and not act so formal all the time. My duties do drag on my sometimes, though I'll never shirk them, as the ship's operations depends on me being rather stoic of course." he said, smiling again. "I just like to do something crazy like this every so often though, and I guess it's what keeps me going when work starts to get at me. Breaks are ALWAYS a positive thing, so make sure to enjoy your leisure time when you get it." He said, nodding at the two of them.
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Post by Carrow on Jun 10, 2011 14:20:35 GMT -5
Carrow was unsure what it was that was holding him back anymore. There was self-doubt in him, yes; there was also fear, but lately the two of them had become so ensmeshed within him, the mouse was losing the ability to tell which was which. He'd lived with both all of his life, and they still weighed him down. As much as he liked to say he'd changed, he just couldn't seem to find the strength to let go of his fears and doubts. The mouse had to be honest with himself and admit that he just wasn't strong enough for it. Not yet. He was trying, but sometimes it seemed just too difficult.
He was certainly ready to accept help, because there was another thing that the rodent had realised: he wasn't going to be able to accomplish this task by himself. He needed his friends to be beside him every step of the way, and he didn't want to be the self-pitying creature he knew he could still be sometimes. He didn't want to be seen as a liability. There had been times when he'd thought of himself as exactly that, but the absolute last thing that he needed was for those he cared most about to start seeing him that way too.
He'd tried to change, but he was realising yet another thing. It was that no matter how much he told himself he wasn't sad anymore, it wasn't meant to be a victory speech. He hadn't overcome his fears and those things that continued to bring him down, but now brought him down on the inside. He tried not to show it unless he had no other choice. So now it had become a battle-cry. He knew that when push came to shove, he'd much rather try to drag himself out of his nervous state than sink deeper into it. He didn't want to do that anymore. It's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting the sadness win, he thought.
Selvis was concerned for his mouse companion. This was why he had taken it upon himself to speak out of turn. It was very unlikely he would have done so otherwise. If he had to bring Carrow back to himself on his own, he would - but he knew that wouldn't be necessary. Caden would be back soon, so if the field mouse needed another lift or another boost, the longtail was certain that the albino pine marten's presence would give him one. It wasn't that Selvis believed he couldn't be of use to the mouse - if he'd ever done so, he would have just given up by now - but he could only do his best.
It could be noted that Carrow perked up visibly when Ladorak started speaking again. The rodent's ears twitched gently as he listened to the stoat's words. The mustelid had a captive audience: Carrow had finished his breakfast at this point, and Selvis was chugging down the last of his coffee as he listened. The weasel wasn't on edge, or wound too tightly, but rather he was a little pensive, thinking about home and about the letter he would write if - no, when - he came out the other side of this battle. "The Stoatorian guard?," the mouse repeated, giving a low whistle. "Cor, that sounds impressive." The mouse didn't even know what an arquebus was. It sounded almost like a first name, when he thought about it, and this made him smile a bit. The stoat's comment about personal glory made him think slightly. He didn't want that... at least he didn't think so.
Then again, if THAT wasn't his goal, then what DID he want out of all this. He was compelled to speak again, feeling he needed to voice his thoughts. "A quest for personal glory, Jal Fugate?," he enquired, tail swishing in a thoughtful manner. "I've never really thought of our naval adventures in that sort of way... I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I want from all this. Maybe it's not a specific thing... aside from perhaps wanting to make something of my life." Selvis nodded, smiling at his companion, realising that the mouse was preempting anything he himself wanted to say. "I also wanted to make some friends while I was at it. I had none until I met Caden last year, and I'm more thankful I ever met him as the days go by," he told Ladorak, smiling himself now.
Selvis responded to the stoat's query once his rodent companion had finished speaking. "I'd say I'm about done here. Hang on a second..." The weasel gulped down the very last of his coffee and set the mug back down on the table. "Yep. Done! That was generally excellent, if I do say so myself. Compliments to the Cook," he quipped, eyes twinkling.
Carrow nodded to indicate that he too was done. The mouse stood up a moment to stretch. He was still mindful of his problematic back, of course, but was confident it wouldn't cause him any trouble. "Oh, and we just love having you around like this, Jal Fugate," he told the stoat, letting out another happy sigh. "You get to watch over us and experience the same things as us at the same time. I'm sure that must be very enjoyable for you. And yes, of course, we value our breaks! Right, Carrow?," he asked his friend (who had since returned to a sitting position), gently patting him on the back. The rodent nodded, thinking of how nice it would be, just this once, to not be afraid. He was going to try his best, for both himself and his friends.
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Post by Ladorak on Jun 12, 2011 1:00:36 GMT -5
There seemed to be the slightest bit of sadness that crossed Ladorak Fugate's eyes as Carrow mentioned how impressive the Stoatorian Guard must have been. He frowned a little, drawing his lips in rather tight. "Yes... it was." He said, nodding in confirmation.
He squinted a little, but at nothing in particular. It was almost as if he were looking up at the ceiling as Carrow spoke to him about his own motives for joining the ship. "Mmmmm I guess a quest for personal glory isn't all." He admitted. "I see it more as my justification that I'm not as much of a failure as I've been told I am. If I succeed where others fail... then it justifies and vindicates me in a way... otherwise... I'm not sure I'll ever find peace." He commented, not elaborating on that any further. He found himself smiling at Carrow's comment about wanting to make friends here.
"Well, at least you have pure and noble motivations. Making friends is always good, and I'm glad you've made some. Beasts tend to drift in and out of our lives, but a crew remains relatively constant, so that's a nice touch, adding that in there." he complimented the mouse on meeting some of his goals as it were.
"Well then, I'd best go and clean these up. I'd start hovering around your gun if I were you. I'm sure they'll beat to quarters right after breakfast, so no sense in wandering too far." he said, still smiling. "Fortunately, we're eating right near the gun, as I believe it's the one directly behind you two." He said, nodding over at the 24 pounder that was indeed behind Carrow and Selvis. They were working the starboard battery this time, unlike their usual larboard assignment on the Agamemnon. "I'm glad you like my presence, and I'm glad I decided to do this. Best decision I've made all year." he said, giving off a little chuckle.
Gathering up the plates with his paws, the stoat padded over to the wash basin as the tables began to be cranked back up into the ceiling, and set to work, dunking them down into the sudsy water to begin scrubbing away. He used his pawpads as the "sponge" or "brush", as they worked just as well for him. He stared down into the water, his reflection broken by the white bubbles and the turbulent nature of the water, what with having at least ten paws in it at once.
He was turning things over in his mind. Even now, he still wasn't sure where he truly belonged. He would never be able to fit the pieces of his past together, at least not fully from how he saw it. He was terrified of marrying Molly sometime this year. Not terrified of her... but more terrified of himself, and whether or not he'd be able to make it last. She was showing very visible signs of making the effort on her end, so why couldn't he? He had jumped into romances so easily, and had been strong when proposing and following through with his marriage, at least initially, so why was this time so different? Did he truly believe himself to be cursed?
He frowned some more at this, though couldn't really see it in the broken surface of the water. His scrubbing was a bit more vigorous now, as if he were trying to attack the plates into being clean, rather than simply cleaning them. He didn't claw them, as he wasn't getting quite that emotional, though he still felt conflicted. He needed to calm these raging storms within him, and get himself ready for the combat to come. Of course... blowing the hell out of the hull of the enemy ship would most likely provide him with a good release, though he always loathed the idea of taking lives unless it was absolutely necessary. There was no point in doubting himself in combat however. It was completely pointless. Combat was kill or be killed, especially in war. It was a game of survival, and he was going to ensure that he always survived, as did those he cared about.
Caden meanwhile, was climbing the stairs to the lower gun deck, and had just reached said deck now that his meal was concluded. He was rounding the landing and making his way forward, trying to locate his friends, though he had a bit of a ways to go, as they were considerably forward on this gun deck, though he was making right for them all the same.
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Post by Carrow on Jun 12, 2011 16:34:25 GMT -5
If there was a bit of sadness in Ladorak's eyes, it was there too briefly for Carrow to catch it. The mouse's eyes had seen almost more sadness than he could bear, but sometimes it was difficult for him to recognise it in others, particularly when it came and went as quickly as Ladorak's did. The rodent could however understand the stoat's words as he told him he needed to find peace in his life somehow. From what he knew of their Captain's life, he could certainly see why. The field mouse wasn't looking for peace himself, though - at least, he didn't think he was. He was more content with things now than he had ever been, regardless of what he thought of himself. He still didn't feel whole, all the same. It wasn't because of something he didn't have; it was because of something he'd lost before he could ever have gotten the chance to understand what it was like to have it. He'd been thinking of that a lot lately.
He caught Ladorak's compliment and smiled. "Thank you, sir!" He could see the stoat gathering the plates, and had something else on the tip of his tongue, but Selvis spoke first, unaware that his companion had wanted to say something. Truth be told, Carrow hadn't known that either. Those words, for now left unspoken, had come to him almost from nowhere.
He held them back as his friend spoke, smiling a tad as he thought once again of how much enjoyment Ladorak was getting out of his temporary position. "We're glad you decided to tag along as well! It's comforting having you around, you know, especially on a vessel like this. Best thing you've done all year, eh?," he repeated, chuckling and standing up, "well, let's see what you think after we give these Rosferians what for!," he exclaimed, smiling, anticipation surging through him as he recalled that the beat to quarters could come at any moment. "See you at our gun soon, Jal Fugate!" It was easy for the longtail to quell his fears when he needed to - if only it were a skill just as easily taught.
As the stoat padded away, Selvis and Carrow looked at their gun, right behind them. He spoke to his mouse companion, keeping his voice soft. "Well then Carrow, this is it. Any moment now, the beat to quarters will sound and we'll start getting ready. Don't you worry though," he said coaxingly. "You'll have Caden, you'll have Ladorak, and you'll have me, all three of us nearby. You're going to be fine, Carrow, alright?," he told him, patting him on the back again as they headed for their gun.
"Thanks, Selvis," Carrow murmured, looking slightly pensive, tail whipping to and fro in a thoughtful manner. When he spoke again, his voice sounded slightly hesitant. "Er, Selvis? What if you'd been wanting to find out something all your life but weren't sure how you'd feel if you found it out... maybe if it wasn't everything you'd hoped it would be? Would you still go through with it?," he asked his weasel companion, whiskers quivering a bit.
The longtail nodded readily. "No question about it, Carrow - I'd go through with it no matter what the end result might be. I think I know what you speak of." He did - Carrow had very briefly discussed it with him a few days previously. Carrow nodded now. "You've got nothing to lose. I can only imagine how you must feel, mate. I think, if it were me, what would hurt the most would be not the fact I'd lost my parents, but the fact that I had been too young to really remember them. That's why you've been thinking about this, right?"
Carrow nodded again, this time a tad more shakily, tears forming in his eyes. Selvis patted the rodent's shoulder soothingly, his voice whisper-soft now. "There, there, Carrow... no need to cry...," he told the mouse, gently wiping away the tears that briefly trickled down his cheeks. "I know you need to fill this hole... you need to know. Look," he said, as Carrow sniffled slightly, "you should ask Archie about this next time you write home. I'll help you with the letter if it's a bit too much for you to pawdle, OK?"
Another nod followed from the rodent, before he followed with a stammering reply. "Y-yes... th-th-that would be great, th-thank you. I j-just need to know about this somehow. I-If I could see Archie and speak to her about it, that'd be even better, b-but that's next to impossible at this rate... s-so I'll settle for the next best thing." Carrow was glad he had a chance to do it, no matter what. It was very unlikely their paths should cross. Carrow had to be realistic - but he hadn't abandoned hope yet.
"Good mouse. Best of luck with all that. Your friends will be right behind you, of course. No matter what changes about your past, your present and future have us in them. We'll be there to support you every step of the way, no matter what happens." They arrived at their gun, able to see Caden approaching from afar. Carrow waved to him, wondering if he'd catch it.
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Post by Ladorak on Jun 12, 2011 23:05:44 GMT -5
Ladorak was busy scrubbing away at the plates. His back was to Caden, so he didn't see him come up. The marten could see Ladorak, and also his friends. He let a smile cross his face, then paused in mid step.
It looked as if Carrow was having problems again. Ladorak was off being busy it seemed, but the marten found it unusual that Carrow was having issues and Ladorak didn't even seem to know about it. Of course, Selvis was there, comforting the mouse. Probably helping him through whatever it was.
Caden sighed. Why was he even trying? Selvis was ALWAYS there for the mouse, and Caden never was. Selvis was Carrow's go to, and it made Caden feel rather like the fifth wheel of this carriage. They were walking to their gun now, meaning their backs were to him at the moment. The look on Carrow's face was not reassuring. And all of this before combat too!
Caden felt his innards sinking, and quickly looked around for something... anything to occupy himself with, in order to avoid approaching his friends right away. He caught sight of Lieutenant Mears, the first Lieutenant of the Orion, as he walked the gun deck, going through a last minute check, most likely before beat to quarters was sounded.
Caden didn't like feeling this way of course, but he couldn't help it.There were some things that were just too deeply embedded in his nature. He turned to walk towards the Lieutenant, thus just barely missing Carrow's wave as the mouse attempted to get his attention. "Lieutenant Mears, sir!" the albino saluted as he walked up to him. The Lieutenant turned in his direction.
"Ah, you're the young Midshipjack from Agamemnon, are you not?" the officer asked, returning the salute so Caden could relax.
"Yes sir, that would be me. I was just wondering, does Captain Duckworth wish me to command a battery in combat? I know the younger jacks typically stay by the Captain's side to relay orders, but I was hoping to take command of a battery... even though I know I lack experience." he added that last bit, his speech hesitating a tad.
"Well yes, and Captain Fugate asked that you do command such a battery, to gain experience. You'll be learning, as you take in the commands that Lieutenants give, which will be your job once you make such a position after all. I'm perfectly fine with it, as I'm sure the Captain is as well. See to it then." the Lieutenant informed him.
Caden nodded, and pointed in the direction of his friends. "Can I command the forward battery, starboard side? My fellow crew is over there, and I'd love to oversee them if I could."
"Of course. I don't have any problems with that. The fifth Lieutenant will be in charge of that forward section, lower gun deck, so you'll be working under him. I can easily assign the Midshipjack who normally works that battery to the Captain after all. No problem, son." Mears explained.
Caden nodded, and turned away from the Lieutenant after saluting him and giving a "Yes sir." He took in a deep breath. This was it. He knew it was coming shortly. Beat to quarters would be sounded, and they'd all need to be at their action stations.
He tried to get his inner doubts under control, and wandered up to his friends as if he hadn't seen them when he first came onto the gun deck. "Hey everyone!" he called, soft but still loud enough to carry over the numerous voices on the deck. "How was breakfast? All nice and full? Don't know when we'll be eating next after all." he reminded them, though knew they both would know this as well. "Ready for some action?" he asked, looking between them, and trying to put on his best "normal" face.
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Post by Carrow on Jun 14, 2011 7:20:09 GMT -5
Carrow was slightly perplexed by Caden's response to his wave. He couldn't be sure: had Caden turned at the last moment and missed it, thus resulting in only a half-hearted response? He didn't think much of it, though, knowing Caden was busy, and it appeared he had other business to attend to anyway. The mouse was certain he'd be back with them in a moment, once he'd finished whatever it was he was doing.
Selvis took the pine marten's response at face value, though, and he felt his insides twisting into anxious knots. Of course, Caden had seen him comforting Carrow and was doing this to spite him... no... wait.. that couldn't be it. Just because Caden may have seen this as a compeition between him and Selvis for the mouse's companionship, he hadn't become resentful, had he? ...Had he?
As soon as Caden was out of sight (as Selvis was terrified of the marten misreading his actions yet again), the weasel turned away from Carrow for a moment so the field mouse couldn't see his distress. He wrung his paws anxiously. One part of him wanted to break down from sheer frustration and tell Carrow everything, even though he knew just how the rodent would react. He'd say that he wasn't worth competing over, of course. One part of the longtail was entirely unable to see why the marten was doing this. Then there was another part of him, one that had grown stronger, telling him he was at fault. In his heart, Selvis knew that this part of him was right.
He realised now that the problem wasn't the fact that he was spending so much time with Carrow. It was the fact that because of this, Caden was unable to spend much, if any, time with the mouse. Selvis could have kicked himself. His insides burned with embarrassment and he had to do his absolute best to keep from crying. He had been Carrow's go-to when the mouse had problems, but he realised that when it came down to it, all he could see himself as was something for the mouse to fall back on, and nothing more. Carrow was trying to find his purpose in life, and getting there. Selvis, meanwhile, was losing his. He'd never been anything else other than a comfort for Carrow. He wondered how good a friend he was to Caden. Not very, was his upsetting verdict. He couldn't be, after all. Not when he'd edged Caden out for most of the past year.
When he'd met Caden and Carrow in Crittenden the longtail had immediately noticed the friendship between the mouse and pine marten. It had been the purest and most heartfelt companionship he'd ever seen... and then he'd come along. He'd helped the mouse, but inadvertently shunned the marten, and he hated himself for it. He was... he was ruining both their friendship and the one he had with Caden.If Caden hated him for this, Selvis wouldn't blame him at all. Right now he almost hated himself.
Maybe he'd be killed in this upcoming battle, he thought. He'd certainly rather die than come between Carrow and Caden any longer. But... maybe there was a less drastic solution. He could maybe ask for a transfer to another subdivision... but no, that'd make things worse as Caden would be sure to read this as Selvis not wanting to be around him as much anymore, and that wasn't the case at all.
Maybe instead he could start spending time away from Carrow, maybe take a back seat and watch from a distance as the friendship between the mouse and pine marten started growing again after he'd almost destroyed it. Carrow would miss him, sure, but the mouse wouldn't be alone. He'd have Caden, and things could go back to how they had been before Selvis had come into their lives. He'd made a terrible mistake, and was realising it all too late. He'd need to step back and gather his thoughts... figure out where to go from here... and hope the damage hadn't already been done. Anything, ANYTHING rather than this mess he'd gotten himself into.
Carrow had noticed Selvis wringing his paws in an anxious manner. He wasn't sure why the longtail was like this, but he could guess. "You're going to be fine too, you know. You should probably take your own advice," he murmured, smiling a little. Selvis turned around and was facing Caden again when the marten began to make his way back over. Carrow spoke first when Caden reached them, looking slightly red-eyed but otherwise fine. "Breakfast was good, yes, mate. Nice and filling - which is good, because, as you say, we don't know when we'll be able to do it again today," he said gently. "What's it like in the cockpit?," the rodent asked curiously. Carrow was wondering about his appetite, which seemed to come and go every now and then. He smiled bashfully. "Er... sorry I look like this. I've a lot on my mind right now," he said apologetically. "I'm feeling a little more confident about this battle, though," he added, his smile becoming a more cheerful one.
Selvis's voice was soft as he too responded to the albino marten's other query. Inwardly, he was in turmoil, but the mustelid had no problem managing one of his usual eager smiles. "I'm more than ready! Looking forward to it, actually." Maybe it would help him to get things together. "You'll be overseeing us, will you? Has that been sorted out yet?," he enquired, rubbing his paws eagerly. "I hope so!" The weasel was very much looking forward to having Caden direct them, regardless of how he felt inside. The problem wasn't Caden's. It was his. He was the one to blame.
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Post by Ladorak on Jun 14, 2011 12:15:20 GMT -5
"Well good, good." the albino stated, nodding at both of them, though letting his eyes linger a bit on Selvis before he looked back to Carrow. "I'm glad both of you feel ready. I'm ready too. Yes." he said, looking over at Selvis again when the long tailed weasel asked him about whether or not he would be overseeing them.
"I managed to get permission to command the forward battery, so I'll be overseeing you and three other guns in combat, though fortunately, your gun is right in the middle of my command." his pink eyes were looking directly into Selvis's, down into his depths, and they didn't stray once until after he'd finished speaking, at which point he turned to Carrow.
"As for the cockpit... well it's a room down below on the orlop deck. Which is strange... because right now, the Surgeon is moving all the sick down there, and our mess table will become his operating table very soon... which is sort of gross if you think about it." the young Midshipjack told the mouse. "There's no link to the outside world, as it's under the water line, and as it's only one deck above the hold, you get a pretty bad bilge smell... BUT... on the positive side, it's private and roomy, as there aren't any guns down there cluttering the place up, like you'd find here." he said, motioning all about him.
"In fact, the cockpit is one of the few officers' quarters on the ship that has no guns whatsoever. Even Ladorak has a few cannon in his cabin, as you really can't avoid it that high up on the ship. So I can rest assured that at least, if nothing else, it won't get damaged in combat and my things will be OK." he said, giving a smile and a small laugh. "Being below the water line CAN have its advantages after all." the marten said with a wink.
Ladorak was heading back over now, the plates and utensils clutched in his paws as he began putting them back in the rack above his head. He shook his paws to help facilitate their drying faster, and then wiped them down on his shirt, as being a regular "seajack", he didn't have to worry about formalities.
"Well, all plates, utensils and cups are now clean!" he reported, throwing a salute to Caden, who playfully returned it. "I'd say we have a few minutes left yet." the stoat commented.
That reminded Caden of something, and he looked over once more in Selvis's direction. "Seajack Selvis... could I... speak to you for a moment? I'll let you pick the spot, but I'd like to talk to you on your own for the short time we have left, if you're able."
The fleet had once more turned to the north, and was on a run now in a line of battle abreast as they began to approach the Rosferian fleet, several miles distant. Howe had ordered them to close distance and engage. No more breaks. No more delays. This was it.. He meant business, and he intended to see this thing through now.
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Post by Carrow on Jun 14, 2011 15:53:36 GMT -5
Selvis didn't want to betray his feelings, but he was inwardly on the verge of breaking down in tears. Caden kept looking over at him for some reason. Why was he making direct eye contact with him like that? The weasel was panicking on the inside. What did all this mean? Had Caden finally had enough of him and was just waiting for the moment to say it? Maybe the marten was planning to give him both barrels as soon as he got him alone? He tried to keep from dropping his defences, but things were rapidly becoming too much. He didn't want to have to do this anymore.
Caden was speaking now with his eyes fixed on the longtail's, and while a less nervous creature would have found that gaze reassuring, right now Selvis found it deeply unsettling and distressing. He tried to get his surging anxiety under control in time to respond to the next question, but he found his mouth had gone dry due to nerves, but he made the effort to speak anyway; anything other than keep silent and send out another so-called signal. "Congratulations, Caden. It'll be great to have you watching over us."
Carrow was of course delighted with the arrangement. He didn't need to say anything, simply beaming at Caden from ear to ear. The mustelid was doing his best to keep from wringing his paws in a combination of frustration and anxiety. Maybe he'd already destroyed the friendship between him and Caden and he didn't know it yet? He listened as the marten told Carrow about the cockpit, the mouse paying rapt attention.
When Caden had finished, Carrow was still smiling. "Well, your descriptive skills don't need any improving, that's for sure! I can picture it all quite clearly in my mind, despite never actually having been in there. Heheh, you know how much I love exploring, matey; now I feel I've seen it with my own eyes. Thanks for that," he said gently. The rodent really enjoyed listening to Caden talk about his new position and all that came with it.
Selvis had enjoyed Caden's reply as well, but then the pine marten suddenly asked to speak to Selvis in private, and alarm bells immediately began to ring in the long-tailed weasel's head. Go on, let me have it. I know I deserve it, he thought despairingly. I'm sorry I've been such a terrible friend to you, Caden. Ignoring you and spending most of my time with Carrow... I don't deserve to have you as a friend, and I hope that if you tell me what I think you're going to, you tell me everything you think about me. I've grown too close to Carrow and too far from you, so I don't deserve to be spared anything.
Out loud, the weasel did an excellent job of momentarily quelling the panic that was still gorwing within him. He'd almost reached breaking point, far closer to emotional collapse than he had ever been in Florence. He was genuinely surprised by the marten Midshipjack's request, and a little of it showed in his voice. "On my own? Sure, Caden, whatever you'd like. I just hope we have enough time to talk before the action starts," he said honestly. "Why don't we go over larboard way and talk there?," he suggested, starting off in that direction.
Carrow watched Selvis go, wondering what it was that couldn't be said in front of either him or Ladorak. Of course, he knew that some things had to be kept private, so didn't think much of it. "See you soon, you two," he called gently, before turning to Ladorak and addressing him. "Looking forward to working the guns again, Jal Fugate? I know I am. I'll never forget how I felt in the first battle... but thankfully that's mostly behind me now. I was more scared than excited last time... and now the balance has shifted," he told the stoat with a chuckle.
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