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Post by Carrow on Apr 1, 2010 18:42:34 GMT -5
"I did consider it, I'll admit, but I could see well enough what was going on, and I'm guessing that you didn't exactly get the kindest treatment from him, so I am going to stay out of things for now. In fact, it's best if the three of us leave him be. Spender's clearly going through a very hard time right now, and I for one do not want to cross him. He can be unsociable at the best of times. I just hope it works out for him, though, all the same..."
Cerinus ceased speaking and watched what Caden was doing with interest. He was speaking in soft tones. He was - and here the mouse held his tongue - speaking about his family. The rodent listened intently as he went through his family members. He could be a sentimental creature at times, and he had to fight hard to stop tears welling up in his brown eyes as the pine marten's grim background was finally brought out into the open.
A traitor father... an alcoholic, murdering mother... an uncle who had failed his nephew in his hour of need and hadn't cared at all... Oh, Caden, he thought sadly, how can you sleep at night with all this weighing on you? And you seem so lighthearted and carefree... not at all like me... I never knew this... and then the fact you get stick for being an albino, even though it sounds trivial set against all of that...
The Dibbun slowly came back to himself. Thinking of these things had sparked unpleasant memories in his own mind. No, no, snap out of it! Not here, Carrow, please not here... He had been looking down at his paws, in a brief pensive mood, but now he slowly raised his head and looked Caden in the eyes.
"Yes... do what you can to make this a fresh start, my friend. You may not be able to forget this, but at least it's all in the past now. As clichéd as this might sound, you have your whole life ahead of you. And I know you'll make the most of it, somehow. We won't tell Jal Fugate, don't worry. Your secret's safe with us until you're ready to tell him yourself.
"But, well...." He sighed, lowering his eyes again. "I think now might be the best time for me to reciprocate and let you know more about me. We'll be at sea together for years, after all... and somehow I feel as though I've found a sort of kindred spirit in you. Let me explain.
"You've said you never had much of a family. Well, I never did either, in the sense that I can barely remember them. I was the only creature my parents gave birth to. I lived a relatively stable life for four years. and then, in the space of two months, what was my world at time time fell apart. My father, Jerris Apodemus, had always been a physically weak creature. He was the first of my parents to go. He died of heart failure on January 2nd, 1785... oh, I can remember that night so clearly..."
As he said these words, a glistening teardrop trickled down his cheek. He sniffed, before continuing, albeit with a catch in his voice. "Then, around the end of February, my mother, Serrina Apodemus (though she was born a Sylvaticus), began to take a turn for the worse. She'd been strong all of her life, but she was just overwhelmed... she weakened physically first, then mentally, and it was confined to a bed that she slipped away on March 10th. We did all we could to save her, but to no avail. The vets that treated her tried everything they could think of. They told Archie, who was well known to me even then, and had started helping us out after Dad died, that it had been a mystery illness... but I've always... suspected that she died of a broken heart. She was never the same after Dad's death..."
The mouse trembled visibly, more tears rolling down his cheeks now. Oh well, no going back... "Archie's taken care of me ever since I lost Mum... she's been with me though everything... the anger, once I'd understood what had happened... the depression once it sunk in that I would never have anything more to remember them by than fuzzy early memories... and the suicidal thoughts... those too...
"There were times when I actually thought about just getting it over with. I was a growing creature... there was no hope for me... no future of any worth... I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can remember... I'm unsure to this day whether I'll ever come to terms with it all... it still destroys me to recall any of this... it really does..."
Cerinus trailed off, weeping softly to himself, head in his paws again. He'd never been an emotionally strong creature - in that respect he was the exact opposite of both his parents. Those mice that he'd hardly known.
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Post by bookity101 on Apr 2, 2010 1:40:24 GMT -5
Elle payed attention to what Caden was saying, thinking about how glad she was that at least she knew what type of beast her parents had been, Caden didn't even seem to have that assurance, and then her brain stopped working. Gold nameplate? The one she had on her wrist?? Oh boy... well as long as he didn't see it... it would be ok, and besides she was wearing long sleeves too.
Elle was about to say something, then Cerinus began. Wow... all three of them had the similar stories? What a way to find shipmates... And then Cer started crying, and she didn't even think about what she was doing when she moved closer to the mouse and put her arm around him, leaning her forehead against the side of his head when he started to cry. When he began to quiet she spoke up.
"Hey, you guy's know, we all have something in common." 'He' looked over at Caden,"We all lost our parents at a young age." She smiled sadly. "Mine went down in a storm when I was seven, and I.. uh."
'oh shoot..' El felt her eye's go wide,
"Um.. we , Ellie and I, we taken by our Aunt and Uncle ... and they weren't exactly the nicest beasts to be around, and they were very willing to use us, and our inheritance..." El glanced down, feeling odd about talking about herself as if she was two beasts, 'But I guess I'll have to get used to it..
Then she forced herself to brighten and squeezed Cer gently around the shoulders, figuring out how to explain away the compassionate bent she had. "I even had to help Ellie with the little cousins all the time... it was so very annoying." El shook her head slightly. El turned towards the wood mouse,
"Hey you feeling better Cer?" *****
Luxe had taken a place by the door, just to make sure no one else tried to leave the premises. After he was done, he pulled out a small wooden flute. It wasn't a normal one, as it was much smaller and had a much deeper tone that belayed its small size. He began to play a tune that he had learned from a wandering musician, who had learned it during his stay in the Imperium.
The tune floated around the room, and out the door. Depending on the wind, the tune might even make it far enough that those at the beach would be able to hear it, if they had good ears.
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Post by Carrow on Apr 2, 2010 3:36:26 GMT -5
Cerinus was struggling to hold back a flood of tears, but he knew that he couldn't fully let go here in front of his two messmates, his two best friends in the entire world. So he carried on weeping, letting things out one little bit at a time.
There was a lot in there, though. Built-up emotion that hadn't been touched upon in years would be released in short bursts. He hadn't even been this open with Ladorak when he had spoken to him that first time. He could have placed his life in the stoat's paws back then, but he didn't tell him the full story as he wasn't sure he'd have been able to deal with it,
No doubt Caden would let him know about what the mouse had told him (as he was most likely still concerned about the fragile Dibbun) and if the tall, moulting creature wanted to have a word with him about it, Carrow couldn't think him any more welcome.
However, while he would certainly have received compassion from Laddy, he certainly hadn't been expecting a similar response from Elliot of all beasts, and so was quite suprised (yet also quite pleased, and he wondered if his pine marten friend was feeling the same way) when 'he' put an arm around him and pulled him in slightly. He let himself rest against her, suddenly overcome by both physical and mental fatigue. Having small convulsions now, almost, he continued with his crying; as said, there was a lot in there, and he had to let some go now.
He smiled slightly, an action unseen by his companions, when the beech marten gently squeezed his shoulders. The long-tailed field mouse felt a little better for that. Not that Elliot wasn't trying 'his' best, of course, it was just that when Cerinus fell, he always had a rough landing, so to speak, and this had been quite a while coming.
The mouse sniffed audibly, raising his head slowly and wiping a paw across his eyes, which, it could now be seen, were red-rimmed and drawn-looking. Tired, too. He suddenly looked much older than he was. "Yes... a little better, thanks...," he replied in a quavery voice, though it was rather noticeable that he didn't pull away from 'his' embrace just yet. He was a compassionate creature himself, and he was glad to know that Elliot had a sensitive side.
The youngster caught the strains of a tune being played, drifting on the wind and clearly audible by the trio of friends, and the ghost of a smile played across his lips.
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Post by spender on Apr 2, 2010 9:17:14 GMT -5
Spender's moans faded into snuffling faded into a stray hiccup as the warmth from the stoat's chest dried his cheek. The calming words, the heartbeat, the waves barely twenty feet away; all congealed into a simple, sleep-inducing lullaby.
But Spender wasn't sleepy. He didn't know what to do. He was being hugged, and it was nice, like when his mum hugged him and tucked him in at nights, but of course he'd never hugged back, because he was a Big Kit Now. Rather than let his arms flop uselessly, he simply stuck one in his mouth and gave it a good suck.
"If you're ready I'll walk you back."
Spender looked up. The stoat's face, to him, was indescribable. Even his mother's expression was never much more than exasperated acceptance.
The ferret nodded mutely, and they set off - following the music wafting from the lodge. Spender's paw stayed in his mouth - more as an excuse not to speak than anything - while his other was held firmly in Ladorak's own. The Last Number dangled between them, enjoying the ride.
They arrived back at the lodge, but Spender's footpaws stopped.
"I don't wanna go in," he said, his paw dropping to his side.
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Post by Ladorak on Apr 2, 2010 13:33:09 GMT -5
Ladorak walked in silence, having no problem with holding the stripling's paw. He could hear the strain of a flute carrying over to them from the lodge. Was that Luxe? Ladorak himself could play an ocarina, and he tried to pick out what the tune was, but it was too inconsistent with the wind blowing over him and interrupting the notes.
Upon reaching the lodge Spender made it clear that he was afraid to go in...after having chewed on his paw most of the way up here. "Oh." Ladorak knelt down next to him again, just out of sight of those on the inside due to the angle. "Dinner's not for much longer, so they'll be outside again soon. But Caden's table still has an empty chair. If you don't eat with them you'll be assigned to some random table, so why not go inside? You got a good five to ten minutes left of dinner."
He pulled Spender in and hugged him again, but made sure it was out of sight of the door frame so that only Luxe could really see them. "Come on Spender. Give it a try." He placed a few pats on the ferret's back. "I want to see you do this. Just give it a chance OK? I'll be in the doorway if you need something."
The stoat stood up, and walked the few steps over to the stoop, motioning with his paw. "Give it a go." said of course with the friendliest smile he could manage.
To those on the inside, they weren't able to see any of this. Caden was listening to Carrow, and watched as Elliot put "his" arm around Carrow. He might have done the same, except he rarely was the touchy feely type, and had only gotten used to doing that with Ladorak. "I think we've all had some rough times. Maybe I'll give this band back to Luxe or something." Caden said, poking the leather strap with a claw.
Well...the green leather he liked...but he felt that aside from the Ladorak tag, which he quickly removed with a snap of the ring, he had no more use for it. Thinking that instead of removing the Ladorak tag he should toss away the Nuori and Gordon tags, Caden reattached Ladorak and worked on removing his mother and father.
"Come on Carrow....no need for waterworks." the albino grunted, having some trouble with Gordon. "We all got to look out for each other. I don't know what we'll be facing when we get to sea. Probably lots of training, learning and routine. Occasional combat too. It's best." He snapped the Gordon tag off and set it down on the table. "Best to develop a tougher exterior now if'n ye can. Don't worry, we'll be on the same ship and working together on the same watch now too, which is great."
His mother's tag came off, and he enclosed his paw around it. He put his other paw on Carrow's shoulder. "Try to toughen up OK? We all got to look out for each other out there so that we can all come home when the war is over. I want to step off that gangplank onto dry land with both you and Elliot, so keep that in mind yeah?" he said, trying to give the mouse some fortitude.
He glanced down at his mother's tag now. Nuori Freemont....Nuori Freemont.....could he really just get rid of this thing? His mother was....she was the one who had given him life. But she'd also had a lot of problems too...and had left him in the care of a wretched rat governess. It was because of Helandria, the governess, that he'd grown up such a.....jerk.
Beginning to tilt his paw toward the table, the marten trembled just a tad, at first unable to do it and nearly putting the tag into his pocket. But he resisted the urge. No....she's dead now. Nothing's going to change that. She wasn't there when I needed her...she was there to make sure i grew up past infant stage but that was it. I can't hold on to you anymore mom......I'm sorry. And with that he let his paw turn and the gold flashed as it tumbled down, almost in slow motion from his paw.
It clattered onto the table and turned face down, the name hidden from sight. He put the green collar back around his neck, the Ladorak tag being the only one remaining now. What about that picture he had of her, from when she was a lot younger? His uncle had left it with him....before he too had vanished.
Mmm....best not to destroy that, just in case. It was probably the only portrait of his mother in existence, and Caden didn't think destroying it was a good idea. But he didn't have to bring it with him. He could leave it at Ladorak's...and pick it up again when he came home. Yeah.....he didn't need any reminders about his mom right now.
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Post by Carrow on Apr 2, 2010 17:58:28 GMT -5
With 'Elliot''s paw on one shoulder, and Caden's on the other, Cerinus seemed to brighten slightly. He smiled at this show of support from his pals.
The mouse sniffed one final time, smiling weakly at the pair. "Oh, it's something I'm going to try to do. You'll have to forgive the waterworks, matey," he told the pine marten, "but believe me, that was a while in coming, and I'm not sure it's all done yet. Don't you worry, either of you. I'll be fine, with time - just need to keep reminding myself that this'll be a fresh start for all of us. In a matter of weeks, we'll be out at sea and ready to face what we must.
"I can say for certain that I'll be doing my best to look out for you both, for what it's worth. I don't know about you, Caden, nor you, Elliot, but for me it'll at least be nice to have some routine in my life, you know? The training, the learning, I don't mind any of this at all. Oh, I know you both think I'll probably be eating my words within a few days of setting sail, but, well, if I'm quite honest, I'm lucky to even be here - in more ways than one."
The young wood mouse sighed, regret clearly audible in his expression. He was trying to put a brave face on things here. He knew that things would be getting even tougher from here on out, and there was always doubt within him. He sometimes doubted he would be up to the task before him, but he was adamant he'd try his absolute hardest in all things required of him.
He looked at Caden now as he removed the last of his tags. He was clearly trying to move on. Heh, and from what I've been told, I wouldn't blame him. It's good to see him being so decisive about things. I could learn from that, I suppose. Come on, come on, snap out of it, will you?! You're reduced to a trembling wreck when you think about the past; so stop tormenting yourself with thoughts about the future! Cheer up, Carrow. It might never happen, you know...
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Post by bookity101 on Apr 4, 2010 1:25:28 GMT -5
Luxe watched the goings on at the different tables from his post by the door, it seemed that everything was shaping up nicely. One group seemed to be really coming together, a couple he pegged that may be trouble latter on, and the threesome who were bonding pretty well. He was also keeping an eye on Ladorak and Spender. Things seemed to be going ok, and since nothing was pressing, Luxe continued playing his flute, waiting to see if he would be needed any where. **** Elle watched Caden remove the tags, listening to them strike the table, then turning to Cer as he talked. She removed her paw from his shoulder as he began to talk about what was coming, and she read his look. He seemed to be down about something... El wasn't quite sure what it was, but just in case this mood would continue, she decided to refocus the conversation on the present before either of them thought to much about what they had just revealed... and her almost slip up on her identity.
"Well then guy's It seems well just have to watch each others backs through he up coming years." El flashed a grin and nudged Cer as 'he' stood, picking up the tray's from the table, also grabbing the two nameplates from the table.
"I know I'm going to need all the help I can get when it comes to learning all the sailing terms." El paused then decided to try something. "Ellie swears I would loose my head if it wasn't screwed on, 'course she also says that about my uncle," El shrugged "And he's the most put together grown-up I know."
El turned from the table and walked away. 'Well this could have been worse....' She shook herself as she put the trays down. 'First hurdle, down.' she looked at the tags she had picked up. 'Only 1,000,000 more to go.'
Looking up, she started across the room, placing the tags in her pocket. She would give to Jal Calone later. He was a blacksmith, maybe he would have a use for them....
(Luxe.. not talkative tonight)
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Post by Carrow on Apr 4, 2010 7:36:53 GMT -5
Cerinus smiled slightly at Elliot, shrugging a little as he finished eating and stood up, the tray in his paws. "Well, I'm not really going to be much help with that. I expect to be drowned in new expressions, terms and all that kind of thing once we set sail, but I can't say I'm not looking forward to it. I want to be the best I can be, after all, and being an attentive creature is something I plan to do."
The mouse was surprised at just how much his and the beech marten's thoughts were running along the same lines. Here was another creature who was already thinking of what was to come. He didn't blame her in the slightest. You needed to be sharp as a tack to survive at sea, he knew that much already. Ironically, it now seemed that one of the things he beat himself up about most, always looking at the bigger picture, would stand to him on board the ship.
"She's said that about you? Why is that, exactly? You seem to know fairly well what you're here for and what to do, to the best extent you can at the moment." The mouse smiled at her as he started away from the table. "You know where you're at; least it seems that way to me." Unlike certain other creatures we could mention, he was about to say, but instead, the long-tailed field mouse ended up merely thinking it. He couldn't help thinking that way about Spender; the ferret, for all his troubles, wasn't exactly a beast deserving of all that much sympathy.
The rodent was thinking about what Caden had said, and he was going to take his pine marten friend's advice. The three companions were getting to know each other better by the minute, and Carrow was determined to try out what the mustelid had suggested. He knew he had to toughen up, and he supposed that would come in its own time. However, something he would be able to put into practice soon enough would be, say, not taking his failures, slip-ups or mistakes to heart. He was prone to indulge in self-pity at times, but was rapidly moving past that stage now. He was opening up, coaxed out of his shell by Elle, 'Elliot' and Caden's support and friendship, and he felt as though there was no longer anywhere else to go but forward.
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Post by Ladorak on Apr 4, 2010 17:39:29 GMT -5
Caden saw Elle scoop up his tags. What did "he" want them for? He furrowed his brow, and almost asked for them back, but knew he had made his choice and he would stick with it. If only he could stop himself from thinking completely about his mother. Fortunately for him, he figured she would fade from his mind and become nothing but a name to him after a bit. The fact that he could barely remember her helped with that.
Taking a breath, he picked up his tray and followed after his companions as the lodge was being cleared. Shoving it onto a shelf, he trotted out into the bright sun, happy to be out of that dim dwelling. Squinting, he could see Ladorak rising to his foot paws and watching the exiting group, his eyes straying to Caden before looking at everyone else. The stoat's gold spectacles were glinting, blinding the albino a bit as they caught the sun a certain way. He could see Spender hanging around Ladorak's legs.
Just what was that ferret doing? Caden felt a twinge of jealousy rise within him, but figured Ladorak had retrieved the errant Spender and brought him back here. At least he hoped that was all that had gone on. Jerk ferret...stealing Ladorak's attention like that by being a cry dibbun. Caden tried not to think this way though, but it was very difficult. He was still trying to adopt Ladorak's mentality, but his old one filtered to the surface from time to time.
"Ah, we missed our chance. Well I suppose I can just ask the Purser to just fill you in on Caden's mess, if it's still possible." Ladorak said softly to Spender. "I think I'm done for the day anyway. The important stuff is out of the way." he was feeling more like getting to sea everyday now. What's the point of this land business? The real training occurred out there after all....at sea.
"Alright! Soon you'll be seajacks!" he spoke up now, letting his voice carry. "No real training I can give you on land will top what you can receive out there....on the open sea. We will be turning our ship from a tired, resting hulk to an active, efficient and swift warship. We'll be sailing her to the Cobalt via way of Ferlusan. This ship and a few others were selected for a goodwill visit to the Ferlusan Kingdom, so we'll be getting some downtime on the way to the Cobalt. If anyone has any questions I'll address them now, and if not you're dismissed. I'll be in touch, and you will be notified of our sailing date. Should be as soon as the Agamemnon is ready for sea. For those of you having a hard time pronouncing Aga-mem-non then Eggs and Bacon will suffice." Some laughter could be heard, and the stoat smiled. It was the pet name of the ship given to her by her previous crew and it had stuck.
Caden sighed. "Well at least we have an understanding of where we'll be stationed. I'm ready! Not sure about the rest of these guys but I'm itching to get aboard and set sail. I'll see you two sailors later then?" he asked, grinning now. "I gotta go home with Ladorak, but we live in the area now so I don't live too far. If you ever want to get together and cause some raucous, just drop by. I'm always up for exploring the streets."
The sea! A few more weeks and they would be out there! No time for regrets. The wind would be pushing them south, and then east, up to Rosferia's vital underbelly. Would they be cooperating with Ferlusan on this? What Caden didn't realize is that the news that Ladorak had earlier received from Elphinstone was vital to this. Ferlusan would guarantee that several of their massive 112 gunners would be supplied to Hood's fleet...but only if proud Welkin agreed to humble itself a bit by marrying off one of its naval officers to one of their Princesses, an act the Welkin navy might consider itself above, but the deal had been struck, as who in their right mind would pass up on 112 gunners? They were the grandest ships on the planet, and could hammer anything that came up against them into submission. In return for a marriage to Princess P. (shortpaw first initial of course), the Ferlusanian navy agreed to lend five 112 gunners, a 94, an 80, twelve 74s, and four 64s.
To this impressive array of 1,878 guns, Hood was planning on taking two 100s, three 98s, twelve 74s, five 64s and a 50. 1,688 guns. The marriage was worth it in that case as it more than doubled the Welkin force's firepower. 3,566 guns vs. the Rosferian Cobalt Fleet's grand total of 1,464. The marriage was definitely worth it. It doubled the odds and kept them from being dangerously close to even. Of course...Ferlusan cleverly left out when said aid would be given to Welkin's navy, but of course those were minor details right? Their navy was in the process of mobilizing at any rate, just like Welkin's, and the two were on a collision course for the Cobalt Grand Fleet of Rosferia. A few more weeks....and they would be at sea.
For it is to glory we steer......
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Post by Carrow on Apr 4, 2010 18:38:38 GMT -5
Cerinus made sure to do one last thing before he left. He went over to Caden, and clasped the pine marten's paw. "I'm about as ready as I could ever be under the circumstances. Just need to make sure now that I don't get killed before we even begin. I'll be keeping up that training programme I set for myself. It's, erm, rigorous, shall we say. I'm sure it'll be worth it though . "I'll see you in a couple of weeks, my friend," he murmured. "We're starting to become great friends now, the three of us. We've become more open with each other, and, well, I can only speak for myself, but I've known you only a few months, seen you only a pawful of times at that, but both of you are now a vital part of my life... especially you Caden," he admitted, cheeks burning slightly as he revealed just how much of a friend the mustelid had become to him. But he couldn't have kept it quiet any longer.
"There's lots ahead of us. Good times, bad times, easy times, hard times, but we'll face it all, three friends together." He squeezed the albino's paw, before shaking 'Elliot''s and offering 'him' a smile. Then, the rodent departed, beginning to make his way back home to Poppyville. Back home to Archie.
A lump formed in his throat as he thought of her. He had a couple of weeks at the absolute most left with her, and then he would leave and go to see, possibly never seeing her again. This distressing realisation unnerved him, but he was in this for the long haul now. Paradoxically, he would somehow be glad to leave her, for the kind-hearted jill weasel, who had been there with him through everything, was the last remaining link to his past. However, he wouldn't forget her as long as he lived.
Quite a strange mixture of emotions were coursing through young Cerinus Apodemus now as he continued on his way home. Fear: The life he had known would soon be left behind. Who knew what terrible misfortune might lie around that next corner? Doubt: What if...? What if things had gone differently? What if he didn't view this opportunity as a sort of escape? What if he wasn't due to depart with a heavy heart? Sadness: His life had been destroyed by events outside his control. Defined by them. Shaped by them. Why me?, he thought despondently, as he began weeping afresh.
Maybe it was just his imagination, or maybe, through the tears that coursed down his cheeks, the mouse actually did glimpse a ray of sunlight penetrate the clouds. Adventurousness: He was leaving all of this behind, and casting off into pastures new. Certainty: He knew for sure that he could, and would do his best to, change. And happiness: He had two good companions to help him ride out the storm.
He felt conflicted, and immensely so. But it was the flame of adventure within him that burned brightest. It had to fight to spark into life, very nearly battered into being extinguished by the rain that fell from the black clouds above, but still it lingered on. Carrow still had this. He still had hope, too - and he thought of this as he walked.
Every step will take me further from the place I used to know... I'll forget the days behind me in the light of the unknown...
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